Courage on Cat Feet

Courage

I've been looking for my courage, my strength. It comes for me on stealthy cat feet, forcing me to face my fears.
My biggest fear is abandonment.
I've lost my sense of security. I'm not tied to a home, a family. Freedom comes with insecurity attached. Always a price.
I've released most of my attachment to things. I have very few possessions any more, mostly clothes and pictures, some books.
I just sent in the title to my car to the insurance company, since they pronounced it totaled. The car was the last big THING that tied me in.
My idea of home is shifting. I have no home to return to in Texas. I have places to stay, but I have no home.

"It's not the end of everything, it's just the end of everything you know." Bob Schneider

This is my zone of proximal development, where I can learn with help.It's a scary place, the top of the roller coaster, the place where I have a chance to take a different track. Right now it feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff.
There are a lot of such vistas here. Last night, we had a miraculous view overlooking the city. I feel exhilarated on this precipice, but also terrified.
I know I am just a speck. Looking at the size of these old redwoods, I feel it.