Today is the my niece's anniversary. She's been married to a really sweet man for 5 years now, and they have a beautiful little girl. Her wedding was held in her mother's prairie, behind her art studio outside of Houston and was presided over by the man you see with me and my sons in the picture above. He spoke of the importance of love and family and taking care of each other. I was so moved. It was what I had always wanted, what I thought I had, even though lately it was hard to believe that. He had worked so hard on his "sermon." It was beautiful, it was eloquent, and it was bullshit. See me smiling? I am the best actress on the planet. I had that smile planted on my face, but I was miserable. Two weeks later, on a Sunday night after I had gotten off work at the Writing Center, turned in my midterms for my second to the last semester of grad school, and had to be back at my job teaching HS English in the morning, he told me that he didn't love me and that he wanted me to leave our home.

Five years. Facebook showed me this pic this morning, and it got me thinking. That night, I thought my life was over. It was. The life you see depicted in the above picture, a life that was a facade with a narcissist pedophile who used me for my money and my procreative ability was gone. Poof.

I broke down 5 years ago. The cracks had been showing, but when it was all said and done, like a coyote in a trap, I would have bitten my own foot off to get out of there. In fact, I did. In order to seperate myself from him, a compulsive manipulator who sees his family as his possessions, I had to leave my sons. I told myself that they were almost grown, and that it would be ok, but I struggle to maintain a relationship with them. Both grown men now, they still live with him.

But as I looked for this picture, I saw all the pics taken since. 

In them I am dancing:

Laughing with friends:

And crazy in love:

Life is good. I have a wonderful life. These smiles are real.

Namaste'