I am not usually a Disney fan. Of course, I raised three kids, so I have seen most of the movies (repeatedly...) and been to Disney World twice, but I am not what you would call a fan. The "world" is too unreal; the "happiest place on earth" is really just a facade, a set for denying reality. I have had quite enough of pretend, thank you.
But this one scene really spoke to me. Here we have a character who has had to hide her talent, her gift, her magic in order to protect someone she loves. And the truth is...she didn't have to.
Why did she stay locked in her room, alone and afraid?
Fear.
Fear keeps us locked up in our little rooms, unable to come out and play, unable to share our magic.
When the gates open up and the windows are thrown open, there we are...exposed for everyone to see our true nature and open to rejection.
Rejection.
Rejection sends her up to the mountain, where she hopes to hide and live with the magic alone.
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the Queen.
I relate to the journey she takes up the mountain by herself.
At first, she runs out of the terror of rejection, but as she goes, she finds beauty in her "curse" and learns to see it as a gift, instead. Unfortunately, she sends those she loves into a cold storm.
She doesn't realize what she has done; she didn't mean to hurt anyone; she simply reacted in her pain.
I have been on such a journey.
And like Elsa, I hurt people I loved and isolated myself.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
My friend Michael tells me this is my Kali-energy. He and others have helped me learn to harness it, instead of letting it run wild. I'm getting much better at it. Instead of fighting, I have learned to be like water: to flow, nourish, and bless.
Keeping it in didn't work.
When I tried to keep the emotions in, they just festered and boiled. Then when they came out, they did damage to both me and those around me.
Don’t let them in, don’t let th:em see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
Ok. So, now you know.
So.....?
Here's another thing that I have learned:
Everyone has something they hide, something they try not to show other people. And you know what?
It doesn't matter.
Be yourself.
No one really wants you to be someone you are not.
It doesn't work.
So why be afraid?
I just did my yoga practice right in the middle of Sea-Tac airport.
Yes. Some people probably stared at me. Some people probably thought I was weird.
But, there were probably quite a few people who wished they could do what I was doing.
I tell you what...my hips feel a lot better after being on a plane all day.
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
That's right. I am not holding back anymore. I have a power inside me. It's coming out.
But now, I get to choose how I handle the storms.
I had to let it all go, let the doors slam. Once I did, new ones opened. Sometimes they were doors to the same place, just opening from a different perspective.
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
This is why I am leaving. I need some distance. I couldn't "find myself" in familiar surroundings. The temptation to go back to the same roles was too tempting. I need those "wide, open spaces" that I never really got to experience when I was young. I am so excited about my new adventure. I feel so happy and free, like anything is possible. I am so grateful for this opportunity and to everyone who has supported me and held doors open for me. Hell, I am even grateful for the doors that were slammed shut for me. In fact, I am especially grateful for those.
Ok, well....There's my plane.
I guess the rest of the story is
...to be continued...
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
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