'52 Pickup

Namaste' ya'll!

Long time, no see! How ya'll been?

Isn't that a beautiful machine?

I could see myself driving that thing down hill country roads with my hair flying in curls around my face, kind of like when Bobby and I went on the Galveston Ferris wheel.

I would probably have a giant smile on my face just like that, so happy to be alive and with someone I love hanging out over the Gulf of Mexico.

I just returned to my little hidey-hole in Pearland after being up in the Austin area for the past few weeks. It was nice to be with friends and family while I was trying to get some work done on my latest enterprise.

Boy, has Austin changed! I actually spent most of my time in Dripping Springs, Buda, and Westlake Hills. The most dramatic example was when my cousins took me over to this huge shopping center that built up around where the old Backyard was. Damn! It was eerie. Not at all the same place or energy there; they traded groovy Sensei-bud trees and live music for big-box commerce.

Going back to Austin has brought up a new layer of healing and rejuvenation for me.

When I first went to Austin in 1981, I was a wide-eyed teenager with a wild streak. Naive and adventurous can be a deadly, but fun combination. I lived in Kinsolving that first semester and my best bud and I would run across the drag to the Hole in the Wall to listen to music and drink. Soon, we stretched out all along the Drag and beyond. I majored in party and theater, emphasis on the party. That first semester I worked as a dresser for summer stock at UT and took classes. I also studied the best places to listen to music and drink. Austin was full of beautiful men.

I went from dorm to duplex with my older cousin ( he was supposed to look after me.... ), to my own efficiency, to back in with my cousin ( maybe we could look out for each other?.... ).

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?...........Homeless.

I was able to combine all my favorite Austin aspects: music, musicians, bars, dancing and alcohol. We moved out to the lake on a houseboat, and school just drifted off. Before long I was pregnant, and it was time for this Austin edition to end.

The voices of the ancestors called me back to the Island to bear her as a BOI (born on the island, very important, something I didn't get to be), but I returned her by the time she was 6 months old. I finished my degree, learned to cut hair, and continued to work in theater and film; I also continued to enjoy the Austin experience.

I left Austin by degrees. The house was too small for new babies. From Kyle to San Antonio, we crept away.

I have always wanted to return.

What I have learned is that this is a new Austin, and that if I want to embrace her it will have to be on her own terms, the way she is now, not the way she was...

I used to love to play '52 Pickup when I was a kid. You threw all the cards up in the air, and someone had to pick them all up. My brother used to do it to me, to tease me, but I loved it.

You can put all your cards in order from Ace to King, matching all the suits: hearts, spades, clubs, and diamonds, but when your brother comes along and throws them all up in the air, you're going to have to pick them up. They may not all be in the same order, but they are all there. You may have to look for one or two that might have flown behind the couch. It can be a fun game to pick them all up or a vexing experience. I have tried both. It works best when I laugh and find delight in the hunt and reordering of the cards. It really gets crazy when you throw more than one deck up in the air. Then you have to separate and realign the decks. The more decks there are, the more difficult it becomes.

I'm still working on it. This time I am staying with my cousin again. He doesn't need to look out for me anymore, but he does.

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose (That's French, look it up!)

Namaste' ya'll!