Leave the Brass Ring

Everything lyrics from "A Star is Born" (1976)

The year has turned. We are a whole week into the new one. It's a calendar thing; I feel both like I already started and like I am still floating, not really still in the old one but like I haven't quite reached the brink of the new one. Maybe this is purgatory....the in-between time, not really a punishment, just a holding area. Maybe it's the fog and mist around me, but sometimes I feel a little bit like I am living in Brigadoon, waiting for the fog to lift and life to begin again.
All around me, people are working, engaged in their back-to-routine activities. I have no back-to-routine activities. I'm just hanging around, absorbing the vibe.

I want to learn what life is for
I don't want much, I just want more

I have been away from my home and all that I have been accustomed for almost a month now. Everything is different. The weather is different; the people are different; the environment is different. I am out of my normal element, which is making me begin to see things in a new way.

Ask what I want and I will sing
I want everything (everything)

I loved this song when I was young; 1976, I was thirteen, just beginning to wonder about life outside of my family's walls. There were so many possibilities. I feel that way again, which is probably why the lyrics have been floating in my head lately.
People keep asking me if I am coming back to Texas. The answer is "yes." I have too much there to leave: children, friends, yoga kula, family...I am not ready to leave those things behind.

I'd cure the cold and the traffic jam
If there were floods, I'd give a damn

But there does appear to be something else on the horizon. I don't think I can really cure the cold or the traffic jam, but I can definitely give a damn. I am going to be working with Keith's organization Move to Amend as a communications and outreach intern. I want to continue to travel with him and help him with this movement for social change. I am going to assist him in writing a book detailing the movement and the plan. There is good work to be done.

I'd never sleep, I'd only sing
Let me do everything (everything)

I sing a lot these days. I sing with happiness and joy. I sing with life. I sing of love.

I'd like to plan a city, play the cello
Play at Monte Carlo, play Othello
Move into the White House, paint it yellow
Speak Portuguese and Dutch

See! So many possibilities. I want to teach yoga. I want to dance. I want to write and sing and play. I want to learn to speak Spanish. I want to travel lots of places. I want to do some acting. I want to talk to people, hear their stories, and write them down. I am feeling that same sense of possibility I felt at 13 but then allowed to go to sleep.

And if it's not too much
I'd like to have the perfect twin
And who'd go out as I come in

Wouldn't that be great? I could do so much! But would I be able to enjoy what both were doing? On second thought, who knows what that twin might do? It never seems to turn out well in the cartoons.

I've got to grab the big brass ring
So I'll have everything (everything)

Ok, well...here is what I have learned about the brass ring...I went to a carousel once with a brass ring you could try to grab. It was hard. I kept passing it and seeing it and trying to reach it and then I would just miss it and have to go around again. Then, the whole time I was making the circuit, instead of enjoying the ride, I was concentrated on what I was going to do when I got back to where I could reach it. Finally, I got it. Elation! Then, I looked into my hand and thought, "so what?"

Yeah, I think I will avoid the brass ring and enjoy the ride.

I'm like a child who's set free
At the fun fair
Every ride invites me and it's unfair
Saying that I only get my one share

This is better. I've got an all-day, all-ride pass here. Why would I only pick one ride to get on and stay there? I plan to ride ALL the rides (except maybe that thing that spins you up against the wall. That thing makes me nauseous.)

Doesn't seem just
I could live as I must
If they'd give me the time to turn the tide

That's what I'm taking. TIME. I am not making any decisions here. I am just going with the flow. I want to enjoy things. I have been too focused on goals that once I reached them, like the brass ring, I have looked at and thought "so what? Why did I work so hard for this?"

Give me the truth if once I lied

The truth. The truth has so many facets. It really depends on what side one is looking at. The truth is complicated. I'm ready to face that.

Give me the man Who's gonna bring
More of everything

This is the part my little, pre-feminist self had trouble with. Why did I need a man to bring all this? Why can't I do this by myself?
But, the truth is this is important.
Why would I want all this just for myself? What fun is it if you have to play by yourself?

Then I'll have everything
Everything
You know what I just realized? I do have Everything. We all do.
Namaste' ya'll!